A Head Full of Drugs

Medium - glass and cardboard

Sometimes the drugs are you.  You're stuffed up and spaced out and removed from the world around you.  But it's not always like that.

A Reflection of Epilepsy 1

A Reflection of Epilepsy 2

Medium - Oil Pastels

In both these works the red marks reflect my energy for life and the black marks reflect the fatigue I felt.  The first work shows how I felt when I was not taking anticonvulsants and the second piece shows how I was when I was taking the anticonvulsants.  Without drugs the world is much more crisp but also more exhausting.  With the drugs the world is much more vague.

Head Ache

Medium - acrylic and pen

The skull is a hard place and so when the tumour pushes against it headaches become a living thing.  Fortunately steroids and painkillers keep that beast at bay.

End of Days

Medium - Acrylic

Sometimes I see the end of days - where even the light breaks down.  From a desolate world a road of sadness can stay with me through everything.  Although it passes

Kev Does a Runner

Medium - Pen

When you are diagnosed with a life threatening disease, some people don't know how to deal with it.  I had known my friend Kev for 10 years.  I climbed a lot with him, our families ate together, he came on holiday with us; but after my diagnosis he started to disappear.  Maybe he couldn't deal with being close to death;  I'll never know.  

Letter to A Brain Tumour

Medical Notes

Medium - paper, ink and watercolour

You can get lost when you have lots of medical treatment.  It's hard to listen and understand all the medical jargon and that is disempowering.  You need someone to explain it in ways you can understand;  but that can be hard to find.  

My daughter and Me

Medium - photograph

There is no joy in being ill but there is huge joy in the world.  You have to focus on what you love and that lifts you through the world.

Me and My Brain Tumour - Between the MRIs

Medium - MRI scans and printed pencil

For me life is a balancing act - physically and emotionally.  I do my best to stay on the tightrope but in the end, it can be cut away whatever I do.  

Peace in the MRI Scanner

Medium - acrylic, pencil and pen

One time I felt very peaceful in the MRI scanner.  I realised that having the scan was a way of moving on, that soon I would find out if the tumour had grown or not.  In a strange way this gave me some control over my tumour.   I was soon to find out the result then I could decide what to do next, I could have the power.

Shattered Face

Medium - glass and computer generated image

When you get the diagnosis your world is shattered.

So Far Behind

Medium - MRI Scan

A new experience; 

So far behind

Not tired; not exhausted

Not fatigued nor worn;

But distanced from my essence,

Distanced from what's me.

This is how they see me - how do you see you?

Medium - MRI scan and mirror

Strange Road

Medium - watercolour

There is a road that I'm following and it's all so new;  all so different.


Medium - a real radiotherapy mask

When you have radiotherapy for a brain tumour they pour a quick setting plastic over your face.  Then they bolt it down so you can not move.  They have to do this so that the high energy xrays burn only the tumour and not the other bits in your brain.  But it's hard being trapped.

Waiting for a Seizure

Before the Seizure

Medium - watercolour

Just before the seizure there is something, a strangeness to be revealed.

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